This is just one of those nights...

One of the reasons I started this blog was because writing about some of my experiences is cathartic. It calms me down when my world caves in.

So, I have no idea what to write, because, well, sometimes the world seems like it is exactly the opposite of what it should be. This is one of those nights.

Its the kind of night that when I was married, or even before, I would soak my ex's shirt, just to get it all out. Now I soak my own shirt, with the labrador watching close by. I do miss those t shirts on night like this.

But, we all have to let it out sometime. And my girls aren't here to see me upset and get upset themselves, so its a good time. It was a rough week last week, and on a few occasions, I was so frustrated or overwhelmed that the tears threatened, but, well, I just didn't have the time or the energy. Now I do. A hot bath, a sappy movie, a cold cloth, and my soft bed will all make me a new person by morning.

I just have to remember to breathe in and breathe out. Everything else will follow.

Again, on the upside of this change

I found out today that I will have benefits as soon as I start my full time position. Usually there is a 3 month waiting period, but the board of directors at my centre have opted to waive the waiting period, crediting me the year I have already worked for the centre. How awesome is that! Just in time for the meds I stockpiled while on benefits through the ex to run out.

Can I get a WOOT WOOT

Life is full of changes Pt 2

So, my blog post yesterday took a very negative tone about the job change I am facing in 5 weeks.

I want to clarify the positive reasons for taking the job, because it obviously isn't all bad and it obviously isn't all about giving up what I feel is a near perfect existence.

#1 I have a regular schedule and a regular pay cheque
#2 The extra income will be exactly that, EXTRA income. It will be put into my savings to pay for school starting in September, and the EXTRA will mean I should have enough saved specifically for school to pay for at least 1 1/2 semesters - possibly 2 if the loonie holds. This is a much better financial outlook than what I had predicted.
#3 Not only will I be able to pay cash for school longer, but I won't have to use money in my savings to pay for the fuel costs and possible hotel costs associated with it. Those will be able to be out of pocket instead.
#4 I will be done early enough in the day that I will regularly have 1-2 hours to do schoolwork, errands, workout, whatever I need/want to do until I have to pick up the kids.
#5 No other daycare has ever wanted to be this flexible for me, and I doubt many others would even consider this level of flexibility
#6 The people at Pladec are great, the families are awesome, and I DID NOT RELISH THE IDEA THAT I MIGHT HAVE TO LEAVE if none of the available jobs fit after the expansion
#7 The East end of Kingston is getting a much needed, off base, daycare that has extended hours and great programs and I love that I am involved in it somehow.

Life is full of changes AKA The BIG announcement

Yes, Chris, I stole your last blog posts title. Cause it works for me.

So, up until now, I have been living in the best of both worlds. My very flexible 3 part time jobs have allowed me to work and socialize with adults while still staying home with the girls - they go to school three days a week, so I've been home on their days off, and sometimes on their school days.

This life has been a struggle financially, and scheduling can be a nightmare if one gets sick and it is the ONE day that week I HAVE to work. But it has been utopian in the sense that I have been with my kids, having pj days, going to the zoo in the middle of the week, deciding at 10 am to go bike riding in Sydenham, exploring Lemoine's Point on the only sunny day all week. I am so thankful that I had the good sense to construct this fairytale existence for myself and the girls. But all good things must come to an end eventually.

So, life being full of changes, in the spring the daycare I work at announced it was expanding - building an entire new centre- for everyone this was great news, everyone except me that is.

I knew the moment the announcement was made that my part time existence at the centre would cease in one way or another as my position existed because of specific circumstances at the centre itself. I have spent the last few months agonizing over how to handle the situation when it occurred. One thing was obvious - I would not be able to take a regualr full time teaching position with the centre for two reasons: #1 the kids, their schedule, and the fact that it doesn't mesh with the daycare's expectations of a full time staff, #2 SCHOOL, like the big deal school, not the online stuff I've been doing to catch up. One night a week I would need to leave for Ottawa by 2pm at the latest - no way would that fly.

My choices; hope for a permanent part time that worked with the schedule we keep here, move on to another centre (or back to an agency I worked for), or.....wait.... I see a light..... what if I cooked?

The cook position at the old daycare centre could be done in about 30-32 hours per week. If I could just convince everyone that I could still be on schedule while starting later on school days, it might work. Just might.

Hmmmm.......

Long story short, I applied for, was offered, and have accepted the full time cook position at my daycare. This will mean HUGE changes around here, as I still plan to keep my store job - every other weekend I work 12 hours- and my other part time job. I will also (hopefully they don't cancel it this time) be starting Canadian History in January. Then grad school/teacher's school in September.

How I am going to do it, I don't fully know yet, but I have lots of ideas. I already have been making use of the girls' one hour gymnastics lesson by studying in the parent room (and I'm not the only single mom doing that !). I will also have a 45 minute lunch break, and likely time after work before having to pick up the girlies, in which I will get groceries, study, SLEEP even. I think I can make this work, with the added support of my family, and close friends.

Stay tuned, I am sure to be posting more on this topic, as my first day, January 4 nears.

THE LIST

So, the twins go to their dad's house tomorrow night for almost 9 days.

This of course means that although I am working every day that they are gone, I will have time to do things, many things - hopefully.

The top of the list is to repaint the spare room for Twin B to move into (cousin note: when we named the girls, we accidentally named them in alphabetical order to their birth order and Twin A is the one who came first, how does that work). And of course rearrange lots of furniture.

I doubt very much that Bugaboo, (Twin B) will end up in her sister's room. Once she is asleep, she is out, and she is like me, when she makes up her mind, she is set and determined. And if that does happen, that's okay. She'll still benefit from having her own private space, as will Little Bean (Twin A).

This project has meant that some furnishings are being moved to my room, and some things are being moved out to Grammy and Grandads extra room (they are empty nesters now, so they have lots of rooms). I also need to go to the family storage locker and clear out whatever I can, including a piece of furniture that I now need for my room.

Then, I still have the storage room to clean up cause I've let it get away from me again. And the kitchen chairs to fix, the chest freezer to go through and clean out, kitchen drawers to rummage and de clutter, menu planning for the rest of the month so groceries will be easier with all the busyness, back to school shopping lists to write - including two new pairs of running shoes per twin, and then there's all the prep to be done for fall (seeing what warm clothes we have, what we need, Little Bean has finally outgrown size 4).

I have a get together to attend on Wednesday after work, really need to catch up with a couple of old friends, oh, and the backyard needs tidying and weeding, as does the front, replace the front light bulb, I could go on and on and on.

And don't forget, I have only 10 more days until my first assignment is due for Children's Lit, and less than a month now until the first 1000 word essay.

Whew, I know I am overwhelemed after cataloguing all of that - how about you?